Then love, it is.

Hello viewers!
15/01/2016, but I hope that its still not too late to wish everyone a happy new year!
Sorry for not blogging for so long. Why am I blogging today? Well, I just wanna express out my feelings for that special someone.

Well, I found my first love 5 years ago 6 years ago. And I stupidly thought he was the one for me. For 5 god damn years I put on so much hope on him. But didn't know that I would go through a terrible heartbreak. That feeling, when you are in love with someone but that person just doesn't love you back, and talks shit about you, well, that's really heartbreaking. I got so depressed, I cried everyday thinking about someone whom doesn't even love me.  Since then, I thought, I might never find anyone who could ever replaced him, maybe I was just too traumatized by what happened?

But just as I thought I would never ever find a new love, God sent me someone whom have succeeded in searching the key to the door of my heart again. Fate from God, you can never deny them. Who would knew, a person whom have always been with you all along would be the one you'll fall for. I never knew the guy that I knew seven years ago, is the person whom I will fall for. Yes, we did not talk that much a few years ago, and only got closer after this one event held for my madrasah. This guy, whom I shall just refer to as Mr. Right, persuaded me to join a cca in poly because he wanted more people to join in this cca. I did not want to, but after much persuasion, I agreed to join. But little did I know which subgroup in the cca was I joining. When he told me that he's signing me up for drama, I was so happy. Like, I love doing drama, and for someone to tag me along to do something that I really love, I would not want to miss that opportunity! *ps: till now I still don't know how does he know that I love to act???*

After some time, we got even closer, because both of us were chosen as the main cast for our production. Going home together after trainings and those heart-to-heart talks were one of the excuses to get closer to him. I felt butterflies on my tummy whenever I see him. And I got jealous every time I see him talking to his girl friends, but I just can't do anything about it because he's not mine to begin with.:')

He's not that cute, and he's far from good-looking. But why did I fall for him? Well, one thing that I could assure you is that he has a pure and kind heart. He was there for me for two of the major events in my life, and whenever I needed that support and motivation. I was really nervous for the release of my o-level results, but he was there to calm me down. I was really demotivated for my production, I really thought I was going to screw things up, but he was there for me to give the fullest support. And I really appreciate that kind of people.:')
Well that's not the only character in him that made me fall for him. I really liked him for his annoying yet funny teases, his lame yet funny jokes, his respect for both his parents, his love towards kids and most importantly never missing his daily prayers, because I really want a man that can bring me together along with him to Jannah.:')

That's when I learned that I've actually fall for him. It was really shocking and unexpected. How could I not see him the way I do now a few years back?

I'm really sad by the fact that we are drifting away from one another and not as close as we were then after the production ended. Maybe he was drifting away because he already knew  how I felt towards him and didn't want to make things so awkward?? Rumours has it guys, rumour has it. People said that it was too obvious that I liked him and I have to agree with that.

I just hope that one day, he will realize that I do have feelings for him and hope that he feels the same way I do. I don't want to go through another heart-breaking moment.  He might not be my first, but I really hope that he'll be my last love.

And to you, my hopefully Mr. Right, if you see this post, I want you to know that I really like you. I know I am so obvious, and I'm trying to control my feelings because you are currently not mine. If we are meant to be, we are meant to be. But if we're not, I hope that we don't go on  separate ways because I don't want to lose contact with someone whom have opened the door of my heart again after that horrible heartbreak. I hope that we are meant to be together. But if we're not, I hope that you are happy with your life always achieve the things that you want in your life. I hope that you will be happy with the the special person you've chosen to be your other half and I hope that you didn't choose the wrong lady.
I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way, or if I have done anything that might create discomfort. I hope that you will be fine. :')

Lots of Love,
Putri 💕

*i really want to post a photo of us together, but I don't want to take the risk.*